To My Dearest Baby Girl

This whole becoming-a-mama process has really stirred in my heart all the wishes that I have for my baby girl.  Which led me to write this letter for the little life that is inside of me and as well for all women, who are faced with the challenges that this life throws at us. I know that I had it easy growing up in the time I did, in comparison to what is to come. Therefore, I decided to share a tidbit of the wisdom that has come to me over my short time thus far. It is short and sweet, but I hope it may encourage you wherever you are. Be the love and be loved my friends

My dearest unborn baby girl,

You are being born into a world that is in dire need of restoration. The fact of the matter is, we live in a day and age, where everyone longs for love. That is the bottom line. I believe the world was always so, but recently this longing has become so evident and transparent to us all, thanks to social media, television, radio, podcasts, you name it. Everything and anything can be found by the click of a button. We are exposed, more than ever, to this need, perhaps so much so that we as humans have grown numb to recognize the underlying cause of it in many situations. 

When we as humans can understand that this need to be loved exists in all humans. It gives us a multitude of explanations, in regards to human behavior. It gives us wisdom on how to react or respond in certain situations and ultimately, it teaches us how to love our fellow man in a better way.

As a female in this society, you may feel all sorts of expectations from those around you.

I have so often experienced, through relationships, media, etc., the atmosphere of striving to meet these expectations amongst women. Striving to be thinner, prettier, more popular, or just simply loved in whatever way possible.

My message to you is: know that you are loved. Not just by your family and friends, but by a father who is far beyond our understanding. Who he, himself, is ...love. He sent his only son, not just to save the world, but specifically to save you. Even if you were alone on this earth, he still would’ve sent his only son to simply save YOU my dear. That’s how much you are already loved.

Try not to buy into the lies, that may be tempting at the time, but rather believe in the truth of who you are, as a daughter of God. This truth will set you free to grow and to prosper into exactly the person you were made to be. You will learn that you do not need to seek love elsewhere. Not from the confirmation of social media, a friend group, a boy, grades, a sports team, simply be and be loved and all the radiance, that your soul possesses will shine through any doubt that you may face.

Once you can grasp this love and you delight in it, do not be afraid or ashamed to pass it on to those around you. For it is the greatest gift that you can give. It's the gift that will bring freedom and so much more. 

You are so loved, therefore you can be love. Already, as you lie in my womb, unknown and have yet to even make a sound on this earth, you are already beyond loved. Simply by being. Amazing. Life is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Xoxo,

Your deep-in-thought, highly pregnant mama

Our Tiny Tale

There are so many reasons everyday to be thankful. Some days we grasp every opportunity to give thanks and other days we allow these opportunities to pass us by. Now I am not just talking about the good situations, but as well those situations that in the moment do not always bring us to our knees in gratitude.

About two years ago, after freshly moving to Switzerland, enrolling myself in a German class, and beginning to really plant my roots here, I was experiencing some serious stomach pains. I waited to see if the pain would go away since I could, for the most part, bare it. Long story short, it did not. So my husband took me in to the hospital, since I was not yet signed up at a general practitioner’s or a gynecologist’s office. 

The doctor at the hospital told me, “I have great news for you two, you’re pregnant!” We both cried, one tears of joy and the other tears of uncertainty. Those who know us well, can well guess who was who. But the pain was still there and is ultimately abnormal in early pregnancy.

They took me for an ultrasound, where they discovered that I not only had an eptopic pregnancy, where the baby had aborted itself into a ruptured blood vessel, but due to that I also had been experiencing, for about a week, internal bleeding. I passed out of the table and started to bleed, which then lead the physicians to rush me into the OR due to the amount of blood that I was losing.

Everything went as planned, they told me. I experienced minimal damage and they estimated a fairly quick recovery time.

It really was a miracle for us. If I had gone to a gynecologist office or a general practitioner, I would be dead. I would’ve lost too much blood before they could have operated on me. God saved my life that day and left us with gratitude in our hearts.

Now fast forward a few months. I finally sign up at the gynecologist office and after the first check up, he tells me, “ I am sorry to say, but due to the scar tissue from your surgery, you may never be able to bear children.”

Abraham and I were shook up. Why did this happen and how could it happen? We knew our lives belong to God and he is the giver of children. We try our best to honor Him with all that we do, why wouldn’t he want to gift us with children for our lives?

After our questions, prayers, and conversations together and with God about this whole situation, we received a deep peace. “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) That’s what we believed. He is God and He has EVERYTHING under control. All the finer details of our lives, He’s got it.

So we went on living life, giving thanks for even this situation and allowing God’s timing and will for our lives to take dominion of our lives.

And that it did. We grew deeper together in trusting in the unknown, with the knowledge that this world is fleeting before our eyes. We grew in the peace of understanding that we may never have children of our own genetic make up and ultimately we grew in a deeper love for our good, good father.

A year and a half later, I was busy traveling around Switzerland with a girlfriend of mine, full of joy and excitement, when Abraham had encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. And so I did, understanding that all things are possible with God, but also not living with the expectation of anything.

Sure enough, it was positive. A miracle. A gift from God, truly! Now, almost 4 months pregnant, happy and healthy as can be. God’s timing is perfect. He sometimes needs to take us through trails, challenges, situations, to grow us in endurance and strength, but He is good and always good.

We will welcome our baby bean into the world, early next spring and each day we grow in excitement to get to meet this new life that God has given to us.

Celebrating Life's Circumstances

My husband and I began running together, in the hopes of completing a half marathon…. As long as we stay injury-free for the next few months (fingers crossed and for my German-readers drücke die Daumen ;))…which I can honestly say has been harder than expected after our past 2 months of training

This morning we ran to the home of fellow church leaders, where our morning prayer/leadership meeting was being held. After the meeting we ran back to our apartment and towards the end of our run we began to pick up the pace and lifted up simple prayers that were on our hearts. We prayed about the day ahead of us and specifically over the idea that we can so deeply and freely love those around us. Also that the freedom that the cross gives may revive us to love and rejoice, regardless of the circumstances we are put into.

What does that even look like? How could we live a life, where peace is an everlasting state and emotion, where we can celebrate when we are rejected, put down, or just struggling. Sounds crazy right? Well maybe I am a bit crazy, but I know that the freedom to choose how circumstances effect us IS a promise of the cross.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things,[ nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth,nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Last year, my husband found out he would be receiving a new position within the company, but that entailed a slight pay-cut along with it. How did we react to the news? We celebrated. We bought a bottle of wine, some fresh cheese and bread and toasted to Gods provision, knowing he's got everything under control.

So what is holding you back to day from choosing love, from choosing to be independent from the circumstances that your life brings to you, from accepting the freedom of the cross? Is it your reputation, laziness, career, family, finances. I encourage you to let it go today and accept the freedom, love and joy that comes from Him who died so that we may live, and not only live, but live to the fullest.

Be Loved

As I woke up this morning, made my coffee and began to think and pray about what I should write about on this special day honoring love, I began to think of an area where I seem to struggle the most in. Being loved.

Sounds easy right? I mean you don’t really need to do anything; you just need to simply be. This weakness of mine has been magnified through my marriage. Life has given me moments where I could completely doubt that there is existing love for me in this world from my husband, friends, family, and most importantly God. Now how can that be?

It is not the fact that the love isn’t there, by any means. I have some of the most loving and intentional people around me, not to mention a God, who is love. I believe it is the fact, that I do not allow the time to soak in the love around me.

Yesterday, I had this realization and decided to start making a change to soak in love; to start to appreciate the little moments of pure joy through out the day and make an effort to be loved.

I was taken back by the amount of little moments, where I was overwhelmed with joy, peace, and most importantly love. From sitting in silence and simply being with my husband, to running into my Swiss family at the grocery store and being greeted as if I was a celebrity by my father-in-law, to hearing about an amazing trip my aunt and uncle-in-law had to Guinea, and finally to hosting a welcome party for our neighbors and being so surprised by the amount of people that showed up and as well the relationships that are beginning to develop in our new neighborhood.

Now each of these examples, are nothing extraordinary, but they are simple moments of love given by God. Each day He intervenes in our lives in such powerful and simple ways, but if we do not take the time to be and soak in lives little moments, we can so easily pass up the opportunity of being loved.

God>Barriers

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

This is one of the most powerful verses for a Christian to hear and to truly believe. God’s love is more powerful than ANYTHING that we may come in contact with on this earth. There is nothing that can separate us from His grace. So this is great and all, but how can we apply this to our life? How can we truly feel that God’s love does not end when we mess up or are in an uncomfortable situation? How can we know that God’s love is not dependent upon the environment or atmosphere around us?

If you asked me this a month ago, I do not know if I would be able to give you a concrete answer. Since moving to Switzerland, I can see God’s love and grace preserving through the barriers that stand in my way. As I stated earlier, it’s been a challenge to be in a church community where English is not the main language spoken. I decided, through prayer and conversation with God, to continue to worship God regardless of the language that is spoken. After a week of being obedient, I felt God’s grace and love so strongly through a gathering with the Church community. 

God’s love and grace preserved through the language barrier that stood in my way. His Spirit overcame! He loves and cares so much for me and for you that there is nothing that will defeat His infinite love. By embracing His will rather than my own, He provided me with the fruits of the Spirit which are love, peace, gentleness, humbleness, kindness, generosity,etc. Even listening to conversations that I cannot understand, I am not frustrated or upset with myself but rather am filled with peace and love. I use the time rather to pray for those who are conversing before me. 

The most beautiful part of all of this is that this is God’s doing, not my own. If it were just me on my own I would be upset, hurt, and frustrated with myself. I would feel stupid for not knowing the language and not being able to speak to those around me. God has overcome me and is now the one living within my soul. He is the one that has given me the peace during difficult situations and the love for the people around me. Oh, God You are truly great!