Simplicity in Sharing

One Sunday evening, one of my foster kids was upset in his room, because quite frankly it is hard to live a life away from your blood family and as much as your other family opens up their lives, hearts, and home to you, it is never quite the same as time spent with your real mama. I encouraged my husband to go down and comfort him, sometimes boys just need a father figure to show them it is ok to hurt and be upset. 

As my husband left the room, one of my daughters looked up at me and said, “Mama, why do other kids, who did not come out of your belly live with us?” 

Amazed and honestly a bit overwhelmed with her question, I answered, “Well that is a big questions with a lot of different answers, but what I will tell you tonight is I think the most important answer. Mommy and Daddy open up our homes to others who do not have another place to go, because we believe that when we help others, we are helping Jesus.”

She looked at me and said, “but now we are out of rooms in our house, where do the rest of the kids go, to Uncle Eli?” I laughed at this, seeing her innocent recognition that we are not alone in this journey, their are others who create spaces in their lives and their homes for those who do not have a place to call their home. We aren’t called to live this life on our own and when we need help, there are people around us, who we can lean on. 

This conversation touched my heart, to see that our little girl has witnessed the simplicity of the gospel. We have more, we share and we give away. Simplicity has been a word that I have struggled to always see manifest in my life as a Christian in the western world. My kids have been on more flights by the age of 6 then I was on at the age of 15 and I believe if I got rid of half of their toys, it would take them a week to notice they were missing. 

How can we live a simple life in the materialistic western society in which we live? For me, the answer lies in the manifestation of the Gospel in our lives. There is simplicity in reading and understanding the gospel and believing that, that same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives with in you and he gives us the strength to open up our homes, share our resources, and to walk in the obedience in which he called us to today. 

Lessons of Love

 It was 3 pm on Wednesday, February 13th, 2019, when I ventured out to the neighborhood park with my two girls who were both under the age of two at the time. We were interrupted by a phone call from my husband, who asked what I thought about opening up our house to a 12 year old boy who arrived in Switzerland completely alone. 

Shocked with the entire situation, I told him I needed to think about it. It took us both a total of 5 minutes to think and say a quick prayer, to realize, our hearts were saying…Yes. At the time, we were living in a three bedroom apartment and decided to move our 6 month old baby into our almost two year old girls room to make the arrangements work. 

What surprised me most about this process was how quick everything went. The officials from Social Services came on Wednesday evening to talk with us and see our home and space where the 12 year old boy would be staying and told us within the same meeting, that we can pick him up tomorrow, February 14th, from the hospital. We went from a family of 4 to a foster family of 5 within 24 hours.

February 14th, 2019 otherwise known as Valentines Day, looked a bit different for us that year than our usual fondue date night or bouquet of flowers and box of chocolate. It was a strong, deep, and sentimental aha moment, where I started to realize what love really is. 

I would love to write that I said yes to this 12 year old boy, simply because I loved him or children for that matter. I wish I could say that we said yes because we had the perfect house, hearts and were mature to handle what comes with fostering and raising teenagers. For goodness sake, I myself was one less than a decade before. I wish I could even say that I said yes because I wanted to make the world a better place, but none of these reasons were the reasons why I said yes.

I said yes because of love. The love that I have for God, his work, and his kingdom here on earth. He has given me so much, from his Son who is the perfect example of love in action to a promise of eternal life with Him to even His Spirit who guides and helps me with all the gifts that he freely bestows upon me. 

My yes was a risk, it was a step into unseen, unknown territory, where I knew only God could show up and provide in the areas where I​ would fall short. This yes was a yes that changed the course of my children’s, my husband’s and my life, for the better. Of course, we gave our foster son a home and a family, but what he has given back to us is so much more. 

He has taught my children to share some of the most intimate parts of their lives with others, their parents, their home, even at times their toys. He has shown me the darkness in the world, that circumstances could be so bad that it is better to send a 12 year old to a foreign country alone in the hopes for a new and better life. He has brought balance into our home and a gentle way in which he deals with his little siblings. 

Only God can take the dark circumstances that this world gives and turn them into something good, so so good. 

Love is so many things, but selfish is what it is not. Love is self-sacrifice, risk, vulnerability, and that valentines day in 2019, taught me a deep and profound lesson, not only in fostering and in my faith, but as well within my marriage and those relationships that are nearest and dearest. Lose control a little, take a risk that somehow does not add up or make sense, you never know how many blessings will follow that choice.

To My Dearest Baby Girl

This whole becoming-a-mama process has really stirred in my heart all the wishes that I have for my baby girl.  Which led me to write this letter for the little life that is inside of me and as well for all women, who are faced with the challenges that this life throws at us. I know that I had it easy growing up in the time I did, in comparison to what is to come. Therefore, I decided to share a tidbit of the wisdom that has come to me over my short time thus far. It is short and sweet, but I hope it may encourage you wherever you are. Be the love and be loved my friends

My dearest unborn baby girl,

You are being born into a world that is in dire need of restoration. The fact of the matter is, we live in a day and age, where everyone longs for love. That is the bottom line. I believe the world was always so, but recently this longing has become so evident and transparent to us all, thanks to social media, television, radio, podcasts, you name it. Everything and anything can be found by the click of a button. We are exposed, more than ever, to this need, perhaps so much so that we as humans have grown numb to recognize the underlying cause of it in many situations. 

When we as humans can understand that this need to be loved exists in all humans. It gives us a multitude of explanations, in regards to human behavior. It gives us wisdom on how to react or respond in certain situations and ultimately, it teaches us how to love our fellow man in a better way.

As a female in this society, you may feel all sorts of expectations from those around you.

I have so often experienced, through relationships, media, etc., the atmosphere of striving to meet these expectations amongst women. Striving to be thinner, prettier, more popular, or just simply loved in whatever way possible.

My message to you is: know that you are loved. Not just by your family and friends, but by a father who is far beyond our understanding. Who he, himself, is ...love. He sent his only son, not just to save the world, but specifically to save you. Even if you were alone on this earth, he still would’ve sent his only son to simply save YOU my dear. That’s how much you are already loved.

Try not to buy into the lies, that may be tempting at the time, but rather believe in the truth of who you are, as a daughter of God. This truth will set you free to grow and to prosper into exactly the person you were made to be. You will learn that you do not need to seek love elsewhere. Not from the confirmation of social media, a friend group, a boy, grades, a sports team, simply be and be loved and all the radiance, that your soul possesses will shine through any doubt that you may face.

Once you can grasp this love and you delight in it, do not be afraid or ashamed to pass it on to those around you. For it is the greatest gift that you can give. It's the gift that will bring freedom and so much more. 

You are so loved, therefore you can be love. Already, as you lie in my womb, unknown and have yet to even make a sound on this earth, you are already beyond loved. Simply by being. Amazing. Life is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Xoxo,

Your deep-in-thought, highly pregnant mama

Human Beings not Human Doings

I am currently writing from a semi-bedrest, in the hopes that little baby bean stays inside of me as long as need be.

During this time, I am learning to be, not to do.

This is a crucial lesson for anybody to learn. 

I believe, if we cannot be well, than we will not do well.

All of our doing, comes out of our being.

So here I am, with restrictions to rest, relax and rejuvenate. 

How can I do anything, but be?

Well, it's easy if you have certain type A, underlying characteristics. 

But for the sake of my baby and my marriage for that matter, I am learning to be. 

I would say, the last 6 months were fairly hectic, trying to balance 3 jobs, taking care of the household, and making it a priority to have an open house, where all feel welcome.

It was a genuinely fulfilling time, but I found it easy to get caught up in the simple doings of life, rather than focusing on: who my father is and who does that make me because of what He has already done.
Specifically, to fully except His grace and His love in my life.

If we, the church, cannot except and take in this grace and love, how could we ever fully pass on this abundant gift to those around us?

How could we lead authentic and audacious lives?

Why would someone want to live a life with Jesus, if they have not yet experienced the depths of the grace and love that our Father has for us?

Perhaps, to logically try to save oneself from hell, but that's ultimately missing out on the fullness of life that we are offered in the here and now, when we decide to follow Jesus. 

If you know or even if you do not know Jesus, think for a moment about all of the restoration that He wants to bring in your life.

Just sit in this thought, how much does He love you and wants to heal you from sickness, fear, despair, emptiness, etc. 

How much joy, peace, love, grace, kindness, and hope is he waiting to give you?

I do not think we can even begin to fathom the answer to this question. 

It is beyond our comprehension. 

Now, I am not accusing you of being a messed up basket case, but chances are, if you are a human you are :)

We all are.

We all are in need of God's saving grace, regardless how put together our lives appear to be. 

If you are familiar with the Bible at all, think about how often Jesus relates mankind to seeds, plants or flowers.

The sower and the seed, the parable of the mustard seed, Luke 12, where Jesus compares the beauty of flowers to one of the richest kings in the old testament. 

Plants do nothing from reason, logic or duty, they simply grow and cannot even control that, now, can they? 

The growth comes from the help of the gardener, who waters, prunes, or cuts the branch, or the clouds, which give rain, or the sun, which gives light. 

They cannot consciously grow.

Their duty is to be and so much beauty, growth and fruit comes from their task of being.

He is the vine, we are the branches.

All we need to DO is BE close to Him and we will bear much fruit. 

Skillful Seeing

One of my favorite stories from my childhood is about the time I learned how to ride a bike.
After I slowly started to get the hang of it, my dad took me around the block, following close by to help me up when I fall and to give me a push, when I was ready to start again.
The second turn around the corner of the block, I took a bit too widely and hit a tree that was in between the street and sidewalk.

After falling my dad asked me if I was okay.
I looked up at him and said, "Yes! This tree saved my life dad!"
And he replied saying, "Jeanna what are you talking about?"
Excited and all, knowing that I was still alive with only bumps and bruises, I answered, "If this tree wasn't here, than I would have gotten hit by that car."
Perspective my friends
It changes everything.
Of course it is always good to see the good in every situation, but what I find even more crucial is the ability to see the bigger picture.
If I was not able to see the bigger picture as I crashed into the tree, the situation could have turned bitter, frustrating, or discouraging.
Instead, it was a situation full of gratitude.
Gratitude is in the eyes of the beholder.
How we see effects how we live.
If we have the ability to see the trees in our lives that prevent us from a car crash, than we will live our lives out from a place of gratitude.
A heart full of gratitude changes moments, days, years and even lives.
CS Lewis writes, "Looking always comes first." (The Great Divorce)
How we look, how we see, effects the reaction of our hearts and if our hearts are full of gratitude, love, joy, we will speak and react in such a way.
"The words you speak come from the heart." (Matthew 15:18)
This is a deep desire for my life.
To be able to see the trees that stand in the way of the cars and to give thanks, always.
To give thanks during the confusion, the joy, the pain, and the good.
For I know, I have a good, good Father.
Who is ALWAYS good, it is only my sight that could be bad.

Vision Vitality

My husband and I took a little trip to spend some days resting and reflecting upon 2016 and to formulate dreams and goals for 2017. 

We read, prayed, traveled, ate, drank, laughed, and most importantly we spent time just being. 

It was delightful.

During one of the afternoons that we spent at the hotel, we sat down and shared what we envision for 2017. 

One of the challenges that I gave myself is to write more.

I've missed writing blogs and I have been encouraged and asked by many, why haven't you written? 

So it brought me to question myself...Why? 

Why did you stop writing Jeanna?

Of course, it was a busy season, I mean a baby on the way, working 3 different jobs, taking care of a household, etc. 

But those are no excuses. 

What this question lead me to believe, is that I stopped writing due to the lack of vision. 

Where there is no vision, people perish (Proverbs 29:18). 

Humans need vision to sustain life. 

Vision is life giving and no great movement or act in history was performed without a strong vision behind it. 

Vision gives meaning and gives us sight to what others may be incapable to see. 

It helps us create and it helps us dream.

It gives us the strength to choose a different way, rather than following down the path of least resistance, which our culture often tells us is the way to go.

Vision gives us a reason to avoid slipping into comfort in this world and encourages us to make the hard, life changing decisions. 

If we want to be successful at anything in life, regardless of what it might be. 

Career related, health related, faith related, relational, or financial.

We need vision. 

We cannot simply live so near-sighted.

Foresight, oversight, and insight are essential to our dreams, goals, and vision.

So now for those of you who believe in an eternal life to come, you already have a vision for your life. You know where you are going and chances are you know how to get there. All you need to do to equip yourself is to find out what your goals or stepping stones in this life are to accomplish the will over your life. How wonderful is that?! 

So I encourage you, develop foresight, maintain a good oversight, and always keep insight on your life and your vision for your life. 

Just as I will for this sweet little blog of mine:) 

May this year be your best year yet! 

Our Tiny Tale

There are so many reasons everyday to be thankful. Some days we grasp every opportunity to give thanks and other days we allow these opportunities to pass us by. Now I am not just talking about the good situations, but as well those situations that in the moment do not always bring us to our knees in gratitude.

About two years ago, after freshly moving to Switzerland, enrolling myself in a German class, and beginning to really plant my roots here, I was experiencing some serious stomach pains. I waited to see if the pain would go away since I could, for the most part, bare it. Long story short, it did not. So my husband took me in to the hospital, since I was not yet signed up at a general practitioner’s or a gynecologist’s office. 

The doctor at the hospital told me, “I have great news for you two, you’re pregnant!” We both cried, one tears of joy and the other tears of uncertainty. Those who know us well, can well guess who was who. But the pain was still there and is ultimately abnormal in early pregnancy.

They took me for an ultrasound, where they discovered that I not only had an eptopic pregnancy, where the baby had aborted itself into a ruptured blood vessel, but due to that I also had been experiencing, for about a week, internal bleeding. I passed out of the table and started to bleed, which then lead the physicians to rush me into the OR due to the amount of blood that I was losing.

Everything went as planned, they told me. I experienced minimal damage and they estimated a fairly quick recovery time.

It really was a miracle for us. If I had gone to a gynecologist office or a general practitioner, I would be dead. I would’ve lost too much blood before they could have operated on me. God saved my life that day and left us with gratitude in our hearts.

Now fast forward a few months. I finally sign up at the gynecologist office and after the first check up, he tells me, “ I am sorry to say, but due to the scar tissue from your surgery, you may never be able to bear children.”

Abraham and I were shook up. Why did this happen and how could it happen? We knew our lives belong to God and he is the giver of children. We try our best to honor Him with all that we do, why wouldn’t he want to gift us with children for our lives?

After our questions, prayers, and conversations together and with God about this whole situation, we received a deep peace. “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) That’s what we believed. He is God and He has EVERYTHING under control. All the finer details of our lives, He’s got it.

So we went on living life, giving thanks for even this situation and allowing God’s timing and will for our lives to take dominion of our lives.

And that it did. We grew deeper together in trusting in the unknown, with the knowledge that this world is fleeting before our eyes. We grew in the peace of understanding that we may never have children of our own genetic make up and ultimately we grew in a deeper love for our good, good father.

A year and a half later, I was busy traveling around Switzerland with a girlfriend of mine, full of joy and excitement, when Abraham had encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. And so I did, understanding that all things are possible with God, but also not living with the expectation of anything.

Sure enough, it was positive. A miracle. A gift from God, truly! Now, almost 4 months pregnant, happy and healthy as can be. God’s timing is perfect. He sometimes needs to take us through trails, challenges, situations, to grow us in endurance and strength, but He is good and always good.

We will welcome our baby bean into the world, early next spring and each day we grow in excitement to get to meet this new life that God has given to us.